is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
