someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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