the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
no, he came in my armpit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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