can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
