woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
