Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
