take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
