I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
