i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
