Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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