apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
there is puke in my bra ... again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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