when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
