Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
