We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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