No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
