I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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