I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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