i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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