Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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