is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
