i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
