Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
