Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize