Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
