just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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