is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
