i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
