After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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