you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is my gift to your gina
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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