on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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