filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
