Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
