Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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