I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
