Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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