if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we're making bets on your personal life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
