Non-Jews are for practice
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
