Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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