Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
