She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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