and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
