Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
