why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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