my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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