so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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