remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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