I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
