you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
