I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
