Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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