I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
