He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
