she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
