Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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