So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
