i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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