you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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