i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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