I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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