He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
