So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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