A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
