I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i think i have two assholes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dear god my vagina.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
