Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
