totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
