Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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