So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
